In the movie “The Bucket List,” Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman play two terminally ill men who travel the globe doing all the things they want to do before they “kick the bucket.” It’s a heart-warming tearjerker. Only in the movies would a man leave his wife and family to spend his final months traveling the world with a stranger. The saddest part was not their diagnoses, but that they didn’t start living until they were given death sentences.

In real life, cancer isn’t as cooperative as in the movies. When 74-year-old Jim Ross was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he wanted to return to his hometown before he died. After months of chemotherapy, his daughter and son-in-law offered to drive him and his wife from New Mexico to Kentucky. In Texas, Jim ran a fever. He spent the next two days in an Amarillo hospital. His family stood by helplessly as he sobbed upon hearing the news that he wasn’t well enough to complete the trip. When he died several months later, his only regret was not seeing his extended family one more time.

None of us can control the timing of death, but our bucket list can remind us of how we want to live. I’d rather experience adventures now so that in my final days—if I’m lucky enough to know my final days are upon me—I can focus on what matters most, the people I love. On the outside chance that I won’t feel blissfully energetic after chemo, and that my roommate in the oncology ward won’t be a lonely billionaire who wants a companion with whom to jet around the world, I need to live my life to its fullest—now.

Rather than spending time contemplating a long list of exotic places to visit, consider your values and passions. In your final days, what memories will help you feel you’ve lived a full and worthwhile life?

When you make your bucket list, start with love, gratitude and forgiveness. Ira Byock, author of The Four Things That Matter Most, reminds us to say, “I love you,” “thank you,” “please forgive me” and “I forgive you.”
Next, continue your list with being of service to others and doing meaningful work. Then, by all means, embrace your passions and adventures.

Love, gratitude and forgiveness
Use every opportunity to express and demonstrate love to family and friends. Think of the people with whom you feel most comfortable, confident and happy. Tell them how much they mean to you.

For Penny Cash, forgiveness was her path to peace. She was raised by an alcoholic mother. Anger and disappointment ruled Penny’s life. Her mother, once a vivacious and fastidious woman, had become a recluse. When Penny was 36, her mother said two words that changed Penny’s life: I’m sorry. Tears washed away years of resentment. She helped her mother get her life back on track, cleaned her house and assisted with her personal needs. Penny knew she couldn’t change the past, but she could change her future with love and forgiveness. When her mother was making her final journey, Penny was able to walk that road beside her. Penny said, “When she died, we were truly best friends.”

British-born actor Peter Ustinov once said, “Love is an act of endless forgiveness.”

Your life’s work
What were you put on this earth to accomplish? Have you used your talents and gifts to the best of your ability?

Author Richard Bach said, “Here’s the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: if you’re alive, it isn’t.”

Finding our purpose isn’t always easy. Mimi McDavid found hers through grief. In 1990, she lost her partner to breast cancer. Hospice personnel noticed Mimi’s compassionate bedside manner and offered her a job as a counselor. Preferring to distance herself from loss, she initially resisted. With a degree in psychology and experience as a camp counselor, she was soon hired to develop a program for children. Her job eventually grew into a separate nonprofit serving thousands of children over a 10-year period. Kids Camp is a safe environment for kids ages eight to 16 to grieve the loss of a parent or loved one. What could have been life-diminishing grief became Mimi’s vehicle for making a difference in the lives of the children she served and the hundreds of volunteers called to serve with her.

Passions and Adventures
Once you’ve addressed the things that matter most, focus on your passions and adventures. What ignites your passion? What activities make your heart do a happy dance? How do you express creativity?

Bill Radford had a passion for sourdough bread. Twelve years ago, he made his own starter with yeast harvested from fermenting grapes. He kept the starter alive with weekly feedings. Friends and family grew accustomed to the fragrant aromas and delicious breads in Bill’s kitchen. When Bill died, his daughter-in-law Margaret Radford inherited the starter.

It was serendipity when Margaret told her friend Lisa Powell how much she enjoyed her new hobby of making sourdough bread. Lisa’s husband, George, had recently expressed an interest in baking sourdough, but he didn’t have a starter. With Valentine’s Day approaching, Margaret offered to prepare a gift basket for Lisa to give to George. It included the starter, kitchen tools and a parchment scroll containing the history of the Radford starter. Both women were excited about the gift, but for Margaret it was a way of keeping her father-in-law’s memory alive. It was how she could love and honor her husband and his family.

What places do you want to see before you die? There are places we long to visit. Other places call to our souls.

For Louise Robinson, it was Uganda. All it took was watching the movie “Gorillas in the Mist.” This 68-year-old retired nurse supplements her Social Security income with a part-time job. For seven years, she made contributions to her Uganda fund. With back and knee problems worsening, she decided it was time. She sold some of her furniture and cashed investments to afford the trip.

Before trekking up the mountain, the guide warned the group not to make sudden moves or touch the gorillas. Finally, the group arrived at the gorilla habitat. A family of five mountain gorillas lounged in the clearing. A young gorilla playfully pulled at Louise’s sweatshirt until the guide gently shooed him away. Others in the group were frightened for Louise as they watched the huge silverback patriarch eyeing this interaction. Being touched by a gorilla is one of Louise’s fondest memories.

Start living your bucket list now. Today, do what will make you feel like you’ve lived a full and worthwhile life when your foot is aimed squarely at the bucket. When you finally kick it, it won’t be empty.

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