“Firsts” for women are a paradox. On the one hand, when a woman becomes “first” in her field (the first woman on Mars, the first female Triple Crown-winning jockey, the first woman to be president of her country, etc.), we applaud her success and celebrate another crack in the glass ceiling. On the other hand, the fact that these female “firsts” are so remarkable tells us that we still have a long way to go toward achieving equality.

We’ll know we have truly arrived when a woman’s achievements are no longer striking simply because she is a woman. We’ll know we have true gender balance when newspaper stories no longer use the words “woman” or “female” in front of the words Nobel Prize winner, president, senator, astronaut, astrophysicist, billionaire, CEO and so on. When success is no longer remarkable because of gender, we’ll know we’ve truly made it—as women and as a society.

Meanwhile, those female firsts are still important, and we women must continue to shatter those panes of glass in the ceiling. Here are a few firsts I would like to accomplish:

• I’d like to be the first woman to have a harem of husbands. Why should men be the only ones to enjoy the variety of polygamy?


• I want to be the first woman to bench press 300 pounds…of chocolate.


• I want to set a new land speed record... in my Manolo Blahniks racing to a Nordstrom sale.


• I’d like to be the first woman to sail around the world…on the back of a dolphin.


• I long to be the first female Poet Laureate of the United States, waxing poetic about the joys of gal pals, Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and elastic waistbands.


• I yearn for the recognition of being the first female author to make it to the New York Times Business Bestseller List…with a book about why mothers make the best managers.


• And finally, I’d like to be the first female CEO of a top Fortune 500 corporation to change the work day to include a nap after lunch.

However, we women must always be careful in aspiring to be as good as men…we just might be lowering our standards.